I don’t know what I wish I had yesterday
Sometimes I just wish I had yesterday back
Or last year, or my 30’s, or my entire broken childhood
And sometimes I don’t want any of that back at all.
I’d rather look forward, stand tall
And not waste my energy on trying to recall
But avoiding the past can cause our passion engine to sieze unto our life is stalled
The past is part of who we are, and it’s never truly that far away,
So even though it’s yesterday
It colors today, in every way,
What we say
How or even if we play
If we see things vibrant, or rosy, or dank, dark and grey
If we forgive or try to make others pay
If we mediate or if we pray
I wish I had clarity yesterday
I wish I had courage yesterday
I wish I had pizza yesterday, I wait I did that.
I wish I had trusted myself
And taken my dreams and passions back off the shelf
They say if wishes and buts were clusters of nuts we’d all have a bowl of granola
Which just goes to show ya
That wishing and resisting
Is like fishing and insisting on certain outcomes
And when they don’t happen we shake our fists at the sky screaming “how come?”
But who is supposed to answer that for us?
Is that God listening, or the sunshine, or the universe, or source energy or aliens, angels, or space monkeys
In the absence of a response from above we become junkies
Looking for the next dogma or ideology to become flunkies
Because belonging to a group gives us the illusion of certainty
Or sureness, or rightness, or safety
I’m not saying there is no God. I’m asking how we get to know God.
Do we need to be on our knees, or read tea leaves, or aim to please?
Or can we go within, to our deep core, our inner knowing at our center,
And find, unexpectedly that’s where we can enter
Into the mystery of life, a divine relationship with our own broken selves is where healing cascades from and where it returns to.
So yeah, I wish I had understood all that yesterday. But the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, they say, and the second best time is now.
So I wish I had a sapling and soil yesterday, so today I could plant my tree.