I wish an alarm would notify me whenever someone tried to manipulate me
Whenever they lied, whenever they used my guilt or shame to leverage my compliance.
Whenever they gaslit or throat slit or in my face spit.
But a silent alarm of course, because you don’t warn a narssicist
I wish an alarm would notify me whenever I tried to manipulate myself
Whenever I told myself temporary pleasure was better than sustained joy
Whenever I pretended sugar was a good substitute for sweetness
Whenever I paid the price more than once for any mistake
Whenever I doubted my perfection, allowing mental insurrection
A louder alarm this time, not some amber alert, but a big red squirt all over my shirt
So it gets my attention and not to mention it diffuses the tension
I wish an alarm would notify me whenever I tried to manipulate life
Instead of finding my alignment I treat being alive like an assignment
But there is no task to complete, nobody to beat, no keeping the receipt
There is only ever now, this ever-evaporating moment, that is savored then instantly re-flavored.
This constant need for adjustment is the way life tells us we are alive.
My attention is the edge of my presence. My focus is nothing without my awareness there to support it.
In every new now I drop all my plans, and all mental scans and just open my eyes, wherever the hell I stand.
And be here.