A Truth About Me Not Very Many People Know…

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Brian Hogan

A truth about me that not very many people know is how many carbs I eat v. how many I post up on social media. 

Not many people know how hateful I can be, but a few do, and fuck ‘em. 

Not many people know I’m addicted to approval, and self-loathing and porno. Not many people know I’m a tea drinker, and that that also happens to be an addiction to sugar disguised as a mature morning beverage. 

Not many people know how fragile I am. Or at least I think they don’t know. Oh my God I hope they don’t know. Shit now I’m wondering if everybody knows have fragile I am and they always have, and does the whole world walk one eggshells around me to keep me from falling totally apart? Surely not, surely nobody knows a thing about any of that. 

Not very many people know how good of a bowler I am, because I don’t take time out enough for the fun stuff. You’d think I’d be able to carve out a bit more time for a sport I love that also happens to includes cheese fries but alas, I haven’t thrown a ball at pins since—well gosh, I don’t know how long it’s been. 

Not many people know I’m a vegan and a meat eater. Not many people even know you can be both of those things at the same time, but I assure you, despite popular, or rational, or boring old possible opinion, you can. You can indeed and I am. I am a vegan but sometimes I like bacon and I absolutely love cheese. Stretch your minds or mind your business. 

No body knows the deepest complexity of my soul. The part that wishes ill on people as a knee jerk reaction or paints them with an unflattering brush in the company of others. Or the part that longs for everyone to be whole, including my enemies, the worlds rapists and biggots and war-mongers. Nobody knows just how a heart can be so big and act so small, like reverse magic under it’s own damn spell. But it can. 

Even more mysterious is how this small heart can have such a large capacity. A capacity to forgive, to restrain, to refrain and to acknowledge. To drop the need to defend and make all conflicts into a friend. 

Nobody knows I can do all that, because they don’t know themselves either. We have forgotten that are hearts are desperately wicked and deceitfully sick, but that they can help to heal the entire goddamn world just as mother-fucking quick.  If anybody knew how to operate this thing. 

How do I shift my heart into fourth gear and really cruz down this highway? 

Our thoughts and deeds are the jangling keys, 

we take ‘em, and we shake ‘em 

and we are born into one hell of a wild ride of a lifetime.  

Flattening the hills, embracing the thrills and 

Despite all the parts that are totally unknowable, having what amounts to be simply, a really nice time. 

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.

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