DAY 199: Finally 19 Minutes & 50 Seconds of Gazing

Orange sun ball over water
Brian Hogan

Four days have passed. I finally gazed today, clawing my way toward the 20 minute mark, but not quite there yet. I’ve been at this on and off for almost 200 days now and when I look back before beginning gazing I can see drastic changes have occurred in my life. I am more serene. Right now I’m going on month three of no paycheck and although I don’t love the belt-tightening that’s been required of me I feel pretty okay. The Brian who lived in this body a year ago would have been freaking out, mostly miserable, and looking for the nearest bag of coke or bottle of booze to escape from the anxiety caused by the financial drought. Now I’m inclined to reach for some incense and my yoga mat. I credit the sun-gazing with these changes. Perhaps not singlehandedly, I also started chanting and doing yoga steadily around the same time, but without the structure required by my latest spiritual quest, I would still be spiritually flailing around and physically, probably drunk. 

SIDE EFFECTS: The sun is fucking serious about helping me grow, and right now it’s pruning the shit out of me. 

BENEFITS: A pruned plant grows even more robustly. 

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.




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