DAYS 49-51: 8 Minutes & 10/20/30 Seconds of Gazing

pink sunse and trees
Brian Hogan

The universe has been speaking to me in no uncertain terms. I am supposed to relax, to be patient, to let the things I’ve been desiring and visualizing manifest into reality in their proper time. Let me explain how I am so certain that the universe is telling me to be more patient. And why I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it speaks to us at all. I’m on the brink of manifesting a version of my reality that I’ve been visualizing for over 4 years now. When my partner and I started our marijuana collective a few years ago we said that we were doing this so we could free up time to pursue our creative endeavors and not have to work for someone else in a grueling restaurant job while we did. During the first few years of running the pot shop I fell even more deeply in love with the cannabis plant, as I realized more and more the power this botanical miracle has to heal, and not just on a mental level. In concentrated doses cannabis is anti-inflammatory, and anti-tumoral. It literally shrinks tumors and reverses their effects. The research on this is spotty because of a mix of deliberate deception and incompetence, but I’ve seen this treatment work. I am treating a mole on my body this way right now, and it’s beginning to shrink. So I became infatuated, captivated by Mary Jane herself. I put my writing and my creative pursuits on hold, as my new passion to learn everything I could about pot took root inside me. The hemp plant itself has the hardest fiber of all plants that can be processed so it makes higher quality paper than trees, which would mean an end to deforestation. The oil from the stalk can be used instead of crude oil to make all petroleum based “plastic” items we use today, thus eliminating toxic plastic from the planet and replacing it with something lasting but safe. It can further be processed into non-toxic paint, heating fuel, car fuel, construction materials, cords, rope and clothes. Additionally hemp seed is the most complete form of food on the planet, being the only thing containing every known amino-acid chain as well as an abundance of nutrients and minerals. Just by being planted in large enough numbers, the amount of carbon dioxide it uses can single-handedly reverse our man-made carbon foot print, while the seeds produced can feed everybody three times over. And finally it’s one of the most advanced plants out there, being able to be both male and female, pollinate itself, grow in almost any climate and reproduce in vast quantities without any help, that’s why we call it weed. Pot, in short, is a miracle. I was caught in the thrall of this new phenomenon that has the potential to reverse every catastrophic trend facing humanity. I mean, we know it’s good for the economy! 

Four years and one visit to a psychic later and I am again as fully passionate about my writing and my art as I am about the planet-saving benefits of marijuana. So about six months ago my partner and I put a plan in motion to put ourselves in a better position to manage the company and not do the technical work as much, thus making our original dream into a reality. During the first four months of this transition I was committed to working hard, more hours and more shifts than I had in the last four years, in the name of progress. And it worked! The company was improving in leaps and bounds. I was growing tired, but the bottom line was growing too so I paid no attention to the fatigue. I pursued the growth of the company at the expense of all else. I got two new beautiful azalea plants in February before my sister came to visit and one month later they were dead. But the company grew more as the leaves of my azalea withered away. In the last two months as I’ve been gazing and writing about it every day my passion for my creativity has been reawakened even more. So I’ve started to grown more impatient. 

I have been feeling exceedingly frustrated as I’ve tried to rush things along. I want my company to double it’s monthly earnings. It’s well on it’s way; but I want it now. I want to spend less time working in my business and more time working on it and writing about it. My schedule of shift work has been greatly reduced so I can pursue my creative endeavors, but I want more, quicker. Now that my passion for writing is back and I’ve been teased with an extra day off, I’ve grown restless. Once I let the impatience get a hold of me and replace the gratitude, I’ve had one hurdle to jump after another. Drivers flake out, days are slower than anticipated, vendors want their money, and the technology has been throwing an all out rebellion, from the computers to the phones to that little machine I use to vacuum seal deliveries, I’ve been like a cave man swinging my club at fire to try and scare it away. And while I grunt and pout it seemed like everything I was on the verge of achieving was going up in smoke. 

On Saturday I thought I’d brighten up the place and my spirits so I gave Brett (who does all my landscaping) a budget for some colorful flowers to replace the dead azalea’s in front of my door. Then on Sunday I woke up, knowing I should be more grateful but feeling stuck in this rut of dissatisfaction nonetheless. Staring out at two dead azaleas. I began to meander around youtube and stumbled upon an Abraham Hicks video. Abraham Hicks is an alien entity channeled through a lady who brings wisdom to us from source energy, supposedly. So I click on it. She begins to describe the primary ways the universe speaks to us. First, she says, we can be guided by our emotions, then thoughts. And if those don’t work, the universe will communicate through nature. I think to myself fleetingly that if that were true Brett would bring home impatiens (read: impatience) as the flower to plant in front of my door sometime this week, because that’s how I’m feeling. It’s a little on the nose, but it would be a sign nonetheless. Impatiens to make a joke of my impatience. Wouldn’t that be cool? At the end of the day I arrive home to find Brett covered in mud, wet and beautiful, planting purple impatiens around blooming jasmine in the pots by my front door. I was floored. I just started laughing out loud right there. The Universe had made a joke. I explained it to Brett and he started laughing too saying “I almost got you begonias!” Then we just laughed some more. Right then I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the universe does communicate with us mere earthlings, and what’s more, it’s a witty sun of a bitch. But the best part is, it has our backs. We just can’t tell until we relax, exercise patience, and trust. 

SIDE EFFECTS: Wanting something you don’t have can cause more impatience the closer you get to it; then it can be hard to see that the universe is on your side.

BENEFITS: If you lose sight of the mystical love out there for you the universe won’t be upset, it will just send flowers, with a card that says “Get well soon. I’m here if you need anything”

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.




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