DAY 59: 9 Minutes & 50 Seconds of Gazing

sun candle
Brian Hogan

I picked Nikki up again this morning after my chanting session and we made our way to the top of the mountain to gaze and hike. My weary legs didn’t want to hike today, but my love handles did. So with love I got a handle on my indecision. Nikki and I made our way to our usual cactus covered temple, gazed at another whiter brighter ball of fire today and then took a hike. 

As we hiked my skin baked in the sun and I felt alive. We were surrounded by nature even though we were surrounded by the city. The canyon and the early morning hours are both like an oasis from the hurried, scrambled pace of city living. I am not in Los Angeles at those moments, I am in love. In love with life, and every day more and more in love with myself. We hiked slower today because of the cries of our thighs, and at this more measured pace we noticed things. The clouds had formed a thick line above the horizon. It was beautiful. The canyon is blooming with many types of flowers I had never noticed before. There were red ones, white ones, yellow ones. It was a smorgasbord for the senses. This same buffet of beauty was here yesterday but my awareness was not. Awareness, it seems, is the deciding factor between what we experience and what we miss. Kundalini yoga is nicknamed “the yoga of awareness” because the exercises and techniques are all designed to produce a mental state that is more peaceful and receptive, able to appreciate the details as well as the broad strokes. 

I accompanied my friends Nikki and Kelly to look at a property they were thinking about renting. The house was currently occupied by two special effects artists so there were many unique details to feast my senses on. They had a green room in their garage so they can make videos in front of that screen and make it seems as if they are anywhere. They have a masked mannequin in their shower stall that scared the crap out of both Nikki and myself as we toured their home. A wall in their hallway was fur covered, and fascinating. Amidst all of this unique odd-ball creativity one particular detail jumped out at me most. In one of the bedrooms there were bull horns mounted on the wall. Jammed into one of the antlers was an empty box of Hungry Man TV Dinner. As I processed what I was looking at I felt this internal tug that said, look again, there’s more. I am sensing those tugs more clearly and more often since sun-gazing began and when I follow them I am always amazed in some way, so I did a double take. Suddenly the message was clear. The universe was telling me to take the bull by the horns and stope eating food that isn’t good for me, to stop being such a hungry man, and p.s. stop watching so much television. The Hungry Man TV Dinner jammed on Bull Horn art had served it’s purpose, I got the message. So now, I figured, he could take that god awful thing off his wall. 

Over the last few days I had been literally bingeing on TV and tasty treats . I don’t usually do that anymore, it was a resurgence of a past habit that I just embraced last week. Four days and twenty episodes of Arrow later the universe was chiming in. I don’t need to binge on the things I enjoy anymore, I can enjoy them from my new place of awareness. Hmm, I wasn’t aware of that before, that actually sounds nice. But as happens with habits the afternoon turned into the evening and I turned on the TV. I had two more episodes of the season left and I wasn’t going to let some off the wall message from the universe that had been mounted on a wall get in the way of my season finale. The universe always has to have it’s way though. Every link I tried to access would freeze or time out. Finally the links started popping up with a message that I wasn’t connected to the internet. I try youtube and that’s working just fine. So I try my links again, no internet. So I try youtube, internet is working in full force. I try again: links, no; youtube, yes. What the fuck was happening? Then I remembered the bull horns and I thought bullshit. I want to watch Arrow. But the Universe had spoken. In a bit of a huff and against my will I turned my attention to youtube. 

As I browsed I found many exciting links and videos about sun gazing. Within minutes I was fully absorbed in my explorations on youtube and even started posting comments on some of them, which if you know me, is something I never do. I don’t even have Facebook. I went to sleep feeling blissful from all the new information I had been absorbing. I didn’t need to watch Arrow because I had been shot with cupid’s arrow to reawaken my love for my research into this practice. When I woke up, on a whim I typed “sun gazing” into google and to my amazement one of my comments on one of the videos was the second listing in the search results. How was that possible? It wasn’t even an actual video, it was just a comment. And it was only posted fourteen hours ago. As giddiness over takes me because of the exposure this could mean for the blog, I already know how it happened. I followed a tug from the universe, although not willingly at first, and my subsequent actions had been blessed. Them’s the rules, folks. I didn’t make ‘em, but I’m sure glad I’m learning them now. When the universe tugs at me now, whether from bad art or Mozart, I’m going to make sure to listen. 

SIDE EFFECTS: When you listen to the intuitive messages sent from the universe you may not get to watch the season finale of a show you love.

BENEFITS: In place of the season finale, your moment by moment existence starts to become more exciting than any cliffhanger you can watch on TV

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.




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