DAY 39: 6 Minutes & 30 Seconds of Gazing

blue grey sunset and clouds
Brian Hogan

This morning I made my way up to the mountain for the first time in a few days. I have been sleeping in until six am for the last few days, missing chanting, but getting some much needed rest. I gazed at the sun from the edge of my West Hollywood property, where I have to wait until the sun is higher in the sky above trees and buildings and therefore brighter. Today, though, finally, with my hangover fully behind me and a good night of air conditioned sleep I popped up at 5:30 bright eyed. I watched the sun from the cactus covered mound on top of the mountain that has become like my sun-gazing temple since my quest began. This is where I belonged for now. 

I sat down for this one, buried my feet into the earth, felt a wave of peace and joy, happy to be on this perch again, and gazed at the sun for six and a half minutes with my hands around my brow. The light was gentle, inviting, and invigorating. I felt a strong connection to the sun this morning, like we were in tune today in a way that I haven’t felt since the six days of clouds a few weeks ago. 

As I made my way down the path and back toward my car two stocky Hungarian women passed me in the opposite direction. One woman was speaking to the other, but seemed to have one eye on me. I heard her say “I’m just glad you’re coming now, because you gave up, and you’re back.” Ouch, I thought. I wouldn’t want a friend telling me I gave up. Before I could even finish that thought I realized I’d missed two days in the last two weeks and day 37 was for dumb reasons having to do with booze and boys and being up way too late. I knew instantly the sun had used her to speak to me. She spoke to her friend in her thick hungarian accent but the sun had spoken directly to me. 

Had I given up? Was I not taking this seriously enough? I wouldn’t have put it that way, but now I was feeling an urgency to prove to the sun and myself that this was important to me. Just as I’m deciding how severely to beat myself up over this a loving Golden Retriever appears and nuzzles right up to me, seemingly from nowhere to shower me in unconditional love and remind me of the lesson I had just learned yesterday, forgive thyself. Again I knew this was the golden sun communicating through a golden retriever the second half of his message. “I love you no matter what, just to be clear; but like I said through that Hungarian lady, I’m glad you’re back.” I smiled, feeling support like I’ve never felt before from the invisible guiding hand of the universe. It’s good to be back. 

SIDE EFFECTS: None. 

BENEFITS: The more sunlight I take in, the more clearly I can hear and recognize the universe’s messages to me. 

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.

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