DAY 11: 1 Minute & 50 Seconds of Gazing

grey sunrise, white sun
Brian Hogan

The sun is so gentle and easy to look at in the evening, it’s like she’s a whole different person. My appetite is changing. I eat in the morning and want nothing until evening if I gaze at first light. If I don’t gaze in the morning I am hungry by 2:00 and when I gaze in the evening it’s as if the food is causing my body to reject the sunlight. I don’t want to give up food, but the sun might be forcing my hand. I signed up for this quest to heal my gums and my asthma and to learn to read minds with a little bit of telekinesis on the side. I did not sign up to lose my perfectly honed palate and appetite for thin crust brick oven pizza, thank you very much! 

I feel tricked! The sun lulled me in with her thrall these first ten days, having only the most mild effect on my appetites. I was eating less, and less often. Not necessarily healthier at this point, but my hungers were changing subtly. I would go from breakfast to dinner with more energy than usual and then find myself suddenly starving at 6:30, and that would be the first I’d thought of food all day. Which is not like me. I know how to enjoy a good binge, and a good baguette, so these were definite, but welcome changes. Over these last 3 days however, now that the gazing has passed the one minute mark the effects on my appetite for food and my body’s reactions to the foods are becoming more pronounced. The sun hooked me, and now comes the catch! We don’t lose our appetite, the sun is going to take it from us whether we like it or not! When I gaze in the morning on an empty stomach I am filled with sunlight and it would seem, energy, for the entire day, with no nausea and a twinkle in my eye. When I gaze in the evening just after dinner I feel an ache in my head like something in me is pushing back at the light trying to enter. And when it’s over I am hit with a subtle wave of nausea as my stomach rumbles. I can get my nourishment from the sun or from the earth, the sun seems to say, but not both. 

What does this mean for my body? What will a life be like with no appetite and more energy? Will I ever have lasagne again? These essential questions were burning in my mind as I wrestled with my current nausea and with the sun. My nausea meant my theory was true: If I gaze on a full stomach it makes me nauseous and my body seems to reject the light. You see I had just eaten taco bell about ninety minutes earlier. I know what you are thinking, that the taco bell alone could have made me nauseous. While that could be true I want you to know my stomach has been thoroughly conditioned to accept taco bell and the feeling I experienced this evening was a repeat of the last two nights when taco bell was not a factor. I’m going with blaming the sun! I am not ready to give up food. I am not ready to give up dinner parties and Sunday brunch. I don’t want to resist the diminishing of my appetite, I just can’t imagine never tasting another french fry. 

Undeterred, I will simply gaze at first light and enjoy a nice meal at dinner. When the clouds thwart me in the morning I will endure the nausea until I can’t endure any longer. I will sip the sun, bite the bullet, and enjoy my meal. 

SIDE EFFECTS: I become nauseous if I gaze on a full stomach.

BENEFITS: The process of adding ten seconds a day to condition our eyes truly works and 100 seconds is easy when a week ago 30 seconds was hard. 

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.

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