“Self Improvement” Culture poses a question:
How would I like my personality and behavior to change?
Well, skating past the implied insult about my inadequacy as I am
I will attempt to answer
This question that feels like cancer.
This is a topic I normally would avoid altogether
You see, I like to think I’m flawless, changeless, and unaccountable
I want to go slower.
I want it to be easier.
Like summer as a kid.
Losing track of time, forgetting to keep score, and remembering who I really am.
I want to run less from my own shadow that I blame on the swaying innocent tree.
Those are leaves, not blemishes, and they’re not even mine, they belong to the red maple that’s been on this planet longer than me
And has more right to be here.
Does that answer your question? I suppose it doesn’t.
Well, I want to make healthier choices.
I want to control my habits, but like rabbits
They pop up out of magic hats and crowd me like rats
I suppose I don’t like your question. It threatens me. Because.
Because what if I don’t know how to make my behavior change?
Perhaps a better question is how can I do this?
How can I choose my choices, and quiet all the voices?
As I ponder this I think there is no “how”,
there’s just relaxing your struggle, giving your fear a tight snuggle
and coming back yet again to the right here, right now.