What I’d Say At My Own Funeral

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Brian Hogan

WRITING PROMPT: Write a eulogy for yourself, being as honest as you can. What do you have to say for yourself?

If Brian were here right now he’d make light of this tragedy. He’d tell you all it’s okay to grieve but to get back to living as soon as possible because he’s gone and grateful and his life was fine and dandy and y’all don’t need to make such a fuss anymore.  He’d also get his feelings hurt if you didn’t grieve just a little bit. So, yeah, suffer, mourn, make him feel good, and then get on with your lives, because that will make him feel great. 

Brian was an optimist through and through. If he’s been able to speak at the moment of his death he’d have said “I’m looking forward to finally seeing what this death thing is all about.” He lived curiously and fearlessly.  

That’s what he’d want me to say, but the truth is more nuanced for sure. Brian was often crippled by fear, paralyzed as he analyzed what he perceived to the micro-expressions of others that almost certainly meant he had offended them, or was just plain offensive as a whole.  

Brian’s message from beyond the grave is that this life is not meant to seem so grave, and so be brave and go after what you crave, so in the end you can rave about the life you lived instead of the money you saved. 

Brian feared regret so he experimented with every thing he could find

Drugs that made him forget 

Money and pride he lost in a bet 

Unrequited loves he could never quite get 

And yet

He lived fully. He loved completely. And he laughed unashamedly and way too loudly indoors.  

He scrubbed floors. 

And paid whores. 

And had sores 

And settled scores 

But in the end he realized what he wanted was right inside, in his core 

Brian will not go unremembered because he is unforgettable. He is relentlessly himself even when pretending to be something he’s not. How doe that work? Well, you’d have to ask Brian, but indeed, he pulled it off. 

He greatest trick in life is making y’all believe he was a separate human from all of you. You all perform that same trick but forget you’re magicians. 

Brian made friends with his inner wizard and let a little magic leak right out into the world. Your inner wizard is just as powerful. Instead of wandering, use your wand. Instead of squandering, enjoy the pond. Instead of floundering we can learn to respond. 

Brian will be missed. He will be missed because each of us felt more seen when he looked into our eyes. He made us feel understood in a world where misunderstanding is the rule of the day.  He made us feel accepted when prejudice is the water we swim in.  He made us feel revered in a world where the sacred is seen as ridiculous or at least expendable. 

Brian ran toward a bomb threat, was held up at gun point, arrested and jailed. He had an adventure. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. But it was exactly what happened and it was exactly what he needed. May your life’s adventure be as much of a roller coaster. So when you get off the ride you’re a little dizzy, feeling loved, with the lingering taste of fried dough and cotton candy on your tongue. But also you’re grateful it’s over and you are firmly rooted again on the ground. At the source. May he rest in peace. 

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About Brian

About Brian

Brian is a Writer, Clarity Coach, Filmmaker and Adjunct Professor who loves teaching and learning, and living in the uncertainty of it all.

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